Cash Cab is great, everything else? not so much

While there is no shortage of television programs that show off the “best,” and of course by best I really mean worst, of America (I don’t write this with the intent of perpetuating the disdain of individuals with anti reality show sentiments, as every reality television show ever created is preferable to anything scripted on CBS) but I really have beef with the offerings and programming schedule of three channels, Discovery, TLC, and History – Yet much like any other American I watch them nonetheless.

I suppose I’ll start with TLC since it is the most easily lampooned, as little of the content is focused on appealing to me. I guess my major beef is simply what TLC pretends to be, and that is a channel all about ‘Family’ continually seems to try and one-up itself with dysfunction. I wouldn’t say that this strategy has necessarily gone very far in hurting their brand, but whenever I’m watching it just feels so fake and cheap. Every time I flip past ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ I die a little inside, but who am I to judge? TLC makes me feel bad for my snap judgments, as they manage to humanize any action to a certain extent. Droves of women line up to watch ‘Say Yes to the Dress,’ to recapture the lost excitement of that time in their life, but underneath the surface, the show just seems like a huge middle finger to poor people – who I guess aren’t watching because Comcast doesn’t accept EBT.

‘What Not to Wear’ is also possibly the DUMBEST premise for a television show ever: Lets take someone with no fashion skills, criticize them, throw away their wardrobe, educate them as to how they should be dressing, throw them money for a shopping spree in New York City, give them a makeover, then finally throw a party for their closest friends to debut a vastly better dressed and looking individual. Am I missing something? What happens when the cameras move onto the next person that wears unitards or sequenced bath robs in public? Although it would probably make for less compelling television, wouldn’t it prove far more effective to educate the American public as to how to dress within their means? Providing a ten thousand dollar wardrobe consisting of four outfits isn’t realistic for the average consumer, especially the one watching the show in the first place. Throwing a new coat of paint on a car doesn’t change the engine or performance.

Discovery Channel has Cash Cab – Awesome. The three survival shows + The Post Apocalyptic scenario program, The Colony, not so much. Bear Grylls is quite possibly the manliest man around, and I thoroughly enjoy Man Vs Wild, but his show, much like the others on the channel are far too unrealistic. Bear regularly scales vertical cliff faces and repels down waterfalls like it’s as routine as brushing your teeth, yet for the average person, who is most likely to get stranded, it is out of the realm of possibility. Bravo, E!, MTV, and VH1 know that the television they make isn’t compelling, but these channels try and operate behind the guise of being informative, when in reality they aren’t.

Pawn Stars exemplifies this point better then any other. It and Antiques Roadshow pretty much appear on the surface to be one in the same, yet as an end result Pawn Stars is far less compelling. Trading the understated road show for an in your face “I’m a biker/intimidating dude” vibe seems to have paid off for History, but at the cost of credibility. Pawn Stars, as opposed to the Roadsbow, is all about the hustle, which can and does expose the point at which money is more valued over a family heirloom.

I suppose this wasn’t the most organized criticism of these channels, but you get what you pay for.